Friday Fiction: Beautiful and Intelligent

Another excerpt from the WiP. Kel has been invited to tour the barracks and review the troops with Iasor, the Valloran King. Teoden, Kel’s sort-of-fiance and Iasor’s nephew, is also present.

They were lined up in rows upon rows, soldiers shining in mail and plate over rich red tunics. First a company with swords, behind them one with pikes, behind them a group of archers. At the very back sat cavalry upon fine horses, which pawed the ground impatiently.

“This is the current company of the palace guard,” Iasor said, a wry amusement suffusing his words. Kel continued to stare. “There is also the guard of the city, and some few miles along the river is the station-post for the central division of the Valloran army.”

So many. The Valloran palace guard was twice the size or more of its Tamorlan equivalent. And this was only a portion of Iasor’s army.

Valloras might have stood a chance, alone against the rebels. A large and well-equipped army, acres of farmland, and fairly sheltered borders. What it lacked was access to trade routes, especially as the rest of the peninsula fell to the anarchists, and that Tamor could have given it.

Kelisin followed Iasor to the viewing platform, and watched numbly as his soldiers paraded past, performing complex marching maneuvers and presenting arms. It was a deliberate show of power. Iasor was saying to her I have what you want. Which meant…

“Enough,” she said quietly.

Teoden, on Iasor’s other side, turned at the sound of her voice. So did Iasor. “Did you say something, cousin?”

“I said, enough.” Teoden was making frantic shushing motions in her line of sight but she ignored him. “Obviously you wish to impress upon me your military might.”

Iasor stroked his short beard. “To what end?”

“You wish to show me how you have the very thing I need, the thing I have been asking you for this past week.”

“Beautiful and intelligent. You’ll want to be careful with this one, nephew. Very well, Kelisin. I have shown you what I have, and what you want. And now?”

Kel turned to look over the still-marching soldiers. I’m coming, Bria. “And now we will discuss what it is that you want.”

Iasor clapped a hand on her shoulder, and she staggered a little under the force of his hand. “Ah, cousin,” he said warmly, “I thought you’d never ask.”

2 thoughts on “Friday Fiction: Beautiful and Intelligent

  1. Nice snippet. My favorite part is how well you are showing the characters, but I also wonder if we could do something with the passive voice in the first sentence. The last sentence is a beautiful set up and I can’t wait to see what comes next. Nice job.


    • Thanks Ted! Glad you liked it. I am going to point out that this is a snippet from a first draft that is still in progress, so we won’t be doing anything about any passive voice for a while yet…


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